An Open Letter...

Dear Amber,

You are more yourself now than you have ever been. Perhaps the truest definition of Amber that you can be. You were soft; fluid. A viscosity that allowed you to pour yourself into whatever body necessary. And when you were left to yourself. You were left out to dry. And so you did. You hardened. You became Amber. With all your moments trapped within, but unlike Vonnegut, you know why. Never again will you ask someone to love you. Never again will you subject yourself to anything less than your true worth. You no longer need validation from anyone, but me.

With love...

always and forever, amber.

An Open Letter to Marlena

Dear Marlena,

I remember the day of my junior year of high school English, sitting in the back, slouching down hoping to escape the momentary glare of that popular bitch Tiffany and her Rat Pack, when I glanced over at you, Marlena. You were a stunning girl to say the least, and that day you pulled back your dark locks and I saw a deep purple rim had accosted your beautiful face. It spread under and over your eye, into the cracks that should be tinted with sleep deprivation only. Marlena, how could you let someone do this to you? We were less than children and less than prepared emotionally to understand. I wanted to reach out to you, I wanted to tell you to run, but it seemed so obvious to me that one should. I didn't understand then what I do now. Why there are so many reasons you would stay. I didn't understand how he made you really feel that you deserved it, how he probably told you how bad he truly felt, how he would rather die than hurt you again, how he would die if you left him. Did he tell you the process of his descontruction Marlena? How you had the power to damn or to save? Did he tell you that Thursday he'd be blue, Friday he would start smoking pot, Saturday he would be drinking, Sunday he would be an alcoholic mess, and Monday....

I am older now Marlena, and so are you, but in my mind you are still 16, and every time he hurt me, I saw your face and I understood. Every time he screamed my name when I said it was the last time, I heard you cry, I heard you sigh, I saw your fingers grasp the door knob, your shoulders slouch, your feet grow heavy. I saw you walk through the door, only it was my own reflection in the glass.

Oh Marlena, I wish that I didn't understand. But you do. And I do. You feel the undeserved shame and embarrassment that you let this man into your life. That you let him call you a cunt until the syllables blissfully lost their meaning. That when he stopped you from walking out the door and his fingers slipped like a noose around your neck, that you believed that it was an accident. And the day you broke down, uncontrollably on the bedroom floor. The day you collapsed and watched yourself break into a million little pieces because you couldn't take the screaming anymore, that you deserved it because he only wanted you to feel, you icy bitch.

You finally did leave. I finally did too. No one understands the pain they cause though do they? At least you had something visible. No one understand the depth that a word can cut, but you do, don't you? They look at you, us, and cast the blame our way for staying. I don't anymore Marlena.

I'm sorry.

Amber

An Open Letter to Feminists

Dear Fellow Feminists,

I was watching the Office Season 5 and Kelly made a high-larious rape joke. I quickly googled the quote so that I could post it on my Facebook, because that is what getting a degree in fucking Feminism, I mean Women's Studies gets you, a life where Facebook is the highlight of your day. Anyways, to my surprise I find a slew of you got suuuper angry about Kelly's joke, here is a great example. Taken from www.feministing.com

"I got a bunch of emails from readers about a recent episode of The Office that contained what all agreed was a non-funny joke about rape (though there's never really a funny rape joke, is there?). I hadn't seen the episode and couldn't find it anywhere - luckily, one of my students at Rutgers was kind enough to send it my way.

I generally really love The Office and think that its jokes - even on subjects like race and sexuality - are generally pretty smart and progressive. But I hated this. Thoughts?"

"It made me cringe. I hope they steer clear of future rape "jokes". I agree, usually 'the Office' makes tongue-in-cheek jokes and observations about race/gender/etc., but this just wasn't funny to me. Unfortunately, 'Family Guy' continues to make liberal use of such "humor" and I have completely stopped watching it."

"...I've been trying to figure out what the joke is even supposed to mean. Was Kelly raped and trying to use it as an excuse, or making it up and trying to use it as an excuse, or is it "funny" because Michael falls for everything at least once, or? It wasn't funny, and compared with the rest of the show, I don't see how they could have meant it to be funny."

What was the joke you ask?

Michael Scott: Kelly...
Kelly Kapoor: I was raped.
Michael Scott: You cannot say "I was raped" and expect all of your problems to go away, Kelly. Not again. Don't keep doing that.

Everytime I watch this scene I crack up. It's funny because it is so ridiculous. See, what the problem is that you are all thinking waaaaaay too much. And you also probably aren't wearing a bra, which would be ok if you were doing it as a fashion statement because sometimes it's hot to be nipply, but you aren't because you are trying to stick it to men. Stop doing that, men don't like it. How can you expect men to want to have sex with us if we can't laugh about funny things like porn, rape, and a little bit of violence thrown into that equation?

P.S. I graduated with honors and was even given awards for my work in women's empowerment. Bet that makes you cringe too.

P.P.S. I bet you don't think my joke is funny either.

Love,

Amber